behind

I'm not trying to point out his mistakes or what-so-ever.
But somehow...I feel like I'm left behind.

I know what I don't have and what I lack in myself.
I've known that since many many years ago.

I wanted to just confide in him how scared I am for our life after marriage.
I know that I need to be mentally prepared.
I need to buck up myself from my sleep.
I know all that.

But I just want to tell him my feelings...

I know what I am now.
I'm full of low self-esteem.
I'm quite easy to get jealous - depending on a situation.

I want to get out of this whole negative side of me.
But...I often think that I'm left behind.
I want to be his priority in everything...which does not seem to be that way anymore.

I hate to be feeling this way.
I love him and he loves me.
But at this time, it's just hard.
And I don't know if I am ready for marriage...