New update: Surveying

Wow.

Been some time.

I know I've been lacking on updates.

Even on my fotopages and flickr.

Anyway, I've been gone with a reason.

I did many surveying.

On and off the net.

I found a suitable date that I like. =)

But I do still need to discuss with my family.

I hope that it will not be a problem.

Even fiance has agreed on it!

Which is always a, YEY! =D

If everything goes well, in less than 10 months I will be somebody's wife!

Am I ready?

I cannot say that I am 100% ready but I am ready.

To face what's to come.

And I believe that I will grow to become more mature in the marriage.

And that fiance and I will grow together and will cherish each other better.

I am blessed that fiance loves me for who I am.

He loves my good and my bad.

He doesn't care that I can't cook much.

And he loves the fact that I am his baby.

Most of all, he loves me since I was a tomboy with no sense of style and with pimples over my cheek. Hehe.

Getting married is not an easy task.

There's a lot of planning, surveying, etc etc.

A lot of paperwork too!

I wanted to explain how it is to get married if you are Malaysian.

But...that would be for later.

Til then.

See you!

any date yet?

Today, there is so much thing to tell.
What has become of us since my last post?

I'm glad to say that we've become more mature.
I am still trying to be understanding to him and his work.
And he is still trying to understand me in being me.

But nonetheless, everything seems to go fine.
I am much much grateful now just to have him supporting me.
I acknowledge that I will gain nothing if I keep on complaining and sulking of our love life.
Love is to be happy.
And happiness is the way to a greater life.

He has done so many things to make our life after marriage work.
We have so much blessings that not all people in the world have.
I have God's love and support.
I have a stable job, although I seem to be bored with it.
I have great friends, who actually enjoys my company.
I have an awesome part-time job.
And I have a man who loves me as who I really am, and can't wait to be married to me.
These are all the things that are more than what I ask for, and more than I expect!

Now, we're deciding on a date to get married.
Meaning, that it will be soon.
I have a date set in mind, and fiance seem to agree.
In fact, he doesn't really care about the date, as long as it is appropriate...
And, as long as it is in an appropriate time to get married.
There are a lot of to do list to prepare.
But I will manage.
I always do.

And although many people will think that it's too early,
or that I may not be ready enough...
I would say, you never know until you've done it.
Life is full of learning experiences.
And marriage is one of the biggest of it.

I might be a bit nervous.
But what the heck!
Never say never.

Challenge to make a change

Many months have past...
No, I haven't got married yet.
We don't have a date...and I don't even have a slight indication when will it be.

I want us to get married,
because I need him by my side every day
I want to wake up beside him,
with his arms wrapped around me...
I don't think I can live without him with me...

But...
it's just not that easy
Not with him
I try to make it a day at a time,
but somehow, something has changed.
We always disagree
He's with his point of view of himself and the world,
And I with the way I want things to be...

I want to sort this over...
But it's hard because everytime I try, he starts to tone up his pitch against me
I love him...
And I know he loves me...
And I know,
he does not realize what is he doing to me...

always imperfect to you

Well, how am I doing now that I have become someone's fiancee after nearly 2 months?
Not so good.

It's been quite a journey. I was so content in being his love but it was a result of temporary happiness.
I have tried being supportive of him furthering the studies, moreover having to wait another 2 years to be his in total.
I have changed myself after years depending on no one.
I have changed my style and my ways.
I have gain weight and still trying to gain so that he would be happy.
I have always tried to be the most perfect person he could ever find...

But..why can't he?
Why can't he change for me?
Try to understand when I need him most and provide me with it.
He told me that I disturbed his sleep because I am stressed on work.
Am I to blame on this?
I am about to blow off my head because of these stressed thing that has been going on in my head, and you go telling me that I am a disturbance?!

I have tolerate and accepted his decision to further studies...
I have pushed him on when he regrets in taking Masters, just because I know that he wants me to support him...
I have been there for him to listened to all his stressed comments on the workload and the studies itself...
But why...
Can't he listen to me just once?
I just want him to let me get this load off my chest...I am not looking for a solution.

Up to this day, I have done everything that I can.
But it just can't seem to be enough.
To him, I have to always improve.
I have to always find a way to change.
I feel so inadequate.

It is good that he change from being a hot headed to less.
But if I were to point things that he didn't change when I wish it did, I can create a list too.

He told me that I disappoint him when I told him that I didn't believe he is motivated enough for our future.
Why, I wonder..
Again, I am the kind of person that like a man to prove his OWN worth, not on the money from his parents.
You are not rich if your parents are rich, You are only a rich kid.

If he says I break his heart, well, check my heart first and tell me whose heart has the most pieces...

Go or No Go

Back from vacation and I realize that I absolutely have less than 2 years to plan for my wedding!
I have discussed with him and we agreed that if it's possible, we planned to wed on 1st January 2010.

Had a talk with his Mom and she made me realize that I have to start planning the wedding from now because this is not going to be a small thing like the Engagement but something much bigger.
There is so much involved and these are the times when you have to make sure everything is perfect to every particular details.

Right now, I'm much concern of him. We are getting married, as in this is in serious talk, but is he well-prepared?
Mind wise, I think so. But money wise? I am not too sure.
He tells me that he has so much money. But every now and then, I see him struggling for it.
I'm scared. For him. For both of us. Is he not aware of our situation right now?
I tried telling him not to risk too much. But he is a man. No man listens.

If I decided to 'Go With The Flow' right now, does it make sense?