always imperfect to you

Well, how am I doing now that I have become someone's fiancee after nearly 2 months?
Not so good.

It's been quite a journey. I was so content in being his love but it was a result of temporary happiness.
I have tried being supportive of him furthering the studies, moreover having to wait another 2 years to be his in total.
I have changed myself after years depending on no one.
I have changed my style and my ways.
I have gain weight and still trying to gain so that he would be happy.
I have always tried to be the most perfect person he could ever find...

But..why can't he?
Why can't he change for me?
Try to understand when I need him most and provide me with it.
He told me that I disturbed his sleep because I am stressed on work.
Am I to blame on this?
I am about to blow off my head because of these stressed thing that has been going on in my head, and you go telling me that I am a disturbance?!

I have tolerate and accepted his decision to further studies...
I have pushed him on when he regrets in taking Masters, just because I know that he wants me to support him...
I have been there for him to listened to all his stressed comments on the workload and the studies itself...
But why...
Can't he listen to me just once?
I just want him to let me get this load off my chest...I am not looking for a solution.

Up to this day, I have done everything that I can.
But it just can't seem to be enough.
To him, I have to always improve.
I have to always find a way to change.
I feel so inadequate.

It is good that he change from being a hot headed to less.
But if I were to point things that he didn't change when I wish it did, I can create a list too.

He told me that I disappoint him when I told him that I didn't believe he is motivated enough for our future.
Why, I wonder..
Again, I am the kind of person that like a man to prove his OWN worth, not on the money from his parents.
You are not rich if your parents are rich, You are only a rich kid.

If he says I break his heart, well, check my heart first and tell me whose heart has the most pieces...

Go or No Go

Back from vacation and I realize that I absolutely have less than 2 years to plan for my wedding!
I have discussed with him and we agreed that if it's possible, we planned to wed on 1st January 2010.

Had a talk with his Mom and she made me realize that I have to start planning the wedding from now because this is not going to be a small thing like the Engagement but something much bigger.
There is so much involved and these are the times when you have to make sure everything is perfect to every particular details.

Right now, I'm much concern of him. We are getting married, as in this is in serious talk, but is he well-prepared?
Mind wise, I think so. But money wise? I am not too sure.
He tells me that he has so much money. But every now and then, I see him struggling for it.
I'm scared. For him. For both of us. Is he not aware of our situation right now?
I tried telling him not to risk too much. But he is a man. No man listens.

If I decided to 'Go With The Flow' right now, does it make sense?

3 days being someone's fiancee

Engaged for 3 days now!!
Hehe..

So happy and so contented.
Although it will be another 2 years or maybe a lil bit more til we are going to be really together, but it's ok with me.
2 years might not seem so bad. =)

But I was stunned by the mention of the dowry.
It's not as expected!
I did not imagine it would be that much!
But luckily for me, he seemed to be fine with it.
He says that it's definitely not expected but definitely in the budget.
Yea! =D

For now, I can rest from doing any preparations.
However, I cannot stop from saving money for the big day.
My grandma advised me to save at least RM1,000 a month so that by 2 years, I would already have RM24,000 to spend on the wedding.
Do you think that's enough?
I was thinking to put these savings into ASB because it's much safer.
Maybe split 50-50 between ASB and Public Mutual.
What do you think?

Oh, sorry did not manage to put in the picture just yet.
But I will by end of this week.
HOPEFULLY!!!!
Hehe.

All that I want

Selamat Hari Raya!!!
Haj's Raya! Hehhehehe.
Now it's Thursday.
3 more days to Sunday 23rd!
Oh my..I'm so excited, scared, anxious..all sorts of feeling.

I wish that after this, I'll be more mature and grown up with him.
I know he is pushing himself in order to make me happy.
He's doing so much for our future...

Seriously, I feel so lucky to have him with me.
Even though there are hard times between us, nevertheless he's all that I want.

Well, cut it short. It's time to go back from work.
Can't wait to be on the phone with him.
I miss you, love!

If he can understand

A week more to THE day...
Well, it's not that big of a day...but still...

Have I finished preparing?
The answer: NOT!

One of my colleagues at work is so excited for me.
I'm so scared of the things that'll come.
But he...well...hard to say.

I'm so mad because I was just telling him that I am concern of the future...
And he actually turned on his bad aura moody hot head.
I'm not sure why...
If I hadn't known better, I would say he is not sincerely up to this.

I don't know what is in his mind...his head...
I'm not sure how he actually feels...

It's sad that even after all that I did for him...
Supporting him, being patience with him, listening to all his ramblings,
listening to him making a dream that sounds just too good to be true...
And when I tell him about my concerns, he goes off on me.

I just wish...
that he could understand...

the.first

First entry.

First time.

What can i write here actually?

Okay. Let me explain lah.

I am getting engaged! Yea!
What I did was that I collects so many links and I didn't know where to put it.
So I thought of creating a blog.
That I can cerita2 about my plans and what I do.
And also, so that I could dump all those links in here.

It's going to be a few months from now.
And surprise2, I did not do anything yet.
I just don't know where to start!

So, alright...
For now, I am just collecting links and making list of what should be prepared.
And...I'm off!