always imperfect to you

Well, how am I doing now that I have become someone's fiancee after nearly 2 months?
Not so good.

It's been quite a journey. I was so content in being his love but it was a result of temporary happiness.
I have tried being supportive of him furthering the studies, moreover having to wait another 2 years to be his in total.
I have changed myself after years depending on no one.
I have changed my style and my ways.
I have gain weight and still trying to gain so that he would be happy.
I have always tried to be the most perfect person he could ever find...

But..why can't he?
Why can't he change for me?
Try to understand when I need him most and provide me with it.
He told me that I disturbed his sleep because I am stressed on work.
Am I to blame on this?
I am about to blow off my head because of these stressed thing that has been going on in my head, and you go telling me that I am a disturbance?!

I have tolerate and accepted his decision to further studies...
I have pushed him on when he regrets in taking Masters, just because I know that he wants me to support him...
I have been there for him to listened to all his stressed comments on the workload and the studies itself...
But why...
Can't he listen to me just once?
I just want him to let me get this load off my chest...I am not looking for a solution.

Up to this day, I have done everything that I can.
But it just can't seem to be enough.
To him, I have to always improve.
I have to always find a way to change.
I feel so inadequate.

It is good that he change from being a hot headed to less.
But if I were to point things that he didn't change when I wish it did, I can create a list too.

He told me that I disappoint him when I told him that I didn't believe he is motivated enough for our future.
Why, I wonder..
Again, I am the kind of person that like a man to prove his OWN worth, not on the money from his parents.
You are not rich if your parents are rich, You are only a rich kid.

If he says I break his heart, well, check my heart first and tell me whose heart has the most pieces...

3 days being someone's fiancee

Engaged for 3 days now!!
Hehe..

So happy and so contented.
Although it will be another 2 years or maybe a lil bit more til we are going to be really together, but it's ok with me.
2 years might not seem so bad. =)

But I was stunned by the mention of the dowry.
It's not as expected!
I did not imagine it would be that much!
But luckily for me, he seemed to be fine with it.
He says that it's definitely not expected but definitely in the budget.
Yea! =D

For now, I can rest from doing any preparations.
However, I cannot stop from saving money for the big day.
My grandma advised me to save at least RM1,000 a month so that by 2 years, I would already have RM24,000 to spend on the wedding.
Do you think that's enough?
I was thinking to put these savings into ASB because it's much safer.
Maybe split 50-50 between ASB and Public Mutual.
What do you think?

Oh, sorry did not manage to put in the picture just yet.
But I will by end of this week.
HOPEFULLY!!!!
Hehe.

All that I want

Selamat Hari Raya!!!
Haj's Raya! Hehhehehe.
Now it's Thursday.
3 more days to Sunday 23rd!
Oh my..I'm so excited, scared, anxious..all sorts of feeling.

I wish that after this, I'll be more mature and grown up with him.
I know he is pushing himself in order to make me happy.
He's doing so much for our future...

Seriously, I feel so lucky to have him with me.
Even though there are hard times between us, nevertheless he's all that I want.

Well, cut it short. It's time to go back from work.
Can't wait to be on the phone with him.
I miss you, love!